Quality Time
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: When Gai sees Kakashi spending quality time with one of his students, he decides to try to outdo Kakashi by spending quality time with Neji. Little does he know, Neji will give him more than he bargained for.OOC for laughs. WARNING:Gai fans shouldn't read


Gai-sensei was walking along, submerged in a cloud of smug delusion. He was about to break into song about how the world was so lucky that he was walking through it when he noticed something that he found unacceptable. Kakashi and Sasuke were sitting on the dock not far from where he was. They were talking and Sasuke was even smiling.

_This is complete bullshit. Kakashi is spending quality time with a student and I'm not?! _Gai thought, believing he was inadequate unless he was better than Kakashi at everything._ All I have left to do now is commit suicide. I'll jump off the bridge two miles from here. _Gai broke into a run screaming like a dying cow. Kakashi and Sasuke turned to see Gai screaming bloody murder and running with horrible form. "What a fucking idiot." They said in unison. One and a half miles later Gai stopped and said "Wait, why don't I just spend quality time with one of my students? The only question is who."

He didn't mean it of course. He was planning to spend his 'quality' time with Lee. The only problem was both Lee and Ten-ten were on a mission and probably wouldn't be back for a few days.

"Oh wait, Lee and Ten-ten are on a mission and probably won't be back for a few days." Gai said, stating the obvious. "Well, I'll just have to hang out with Neji. He may be a bit rough around the edges, but who could say no to a guy like me!"

Gai was too blinded by his own disgusting stuck-up-ness to notice that every repulsed person in the area was staring at him.

Twenty minutes later, Gai found Neji leaning against a park bench. "Hi there, Neji!" Gai called. "Oh hell." Neji said under his breath. "I've been thinking, and you and I don't spend enough time together." Gai said as though anyone would want to spend time with him. "How about we spend the evening out, just you and me?"

Neji stared. "You're serious?"

"I sure am." Gai replied.

Neji started to crack up, and then broke into hysterical laughter. Gai glared at his now least favorite student who was doubled over in tears. About two minutes passed before Neji straightened up, took a deep breath and said "Sorry but I've gotta go home and feed my imaginary purple hippo." Neji walked away snickering to himself and saying "Quality time my ass!"

Gai was pissed. A 13-year-old had just turned him down for an evening out.

"Fine!" Gai yelled. "God forbid you spend some time with me!"

"You took the words right from me, along with the apatite." Neji called back.

_I'm not giving up!_ Gai thought. _I'll keep at this all night if I have to!_

12:38 am. "Hey Neji, there's a baseball game at the stadium just outside the village." Gai said.

"If I gave half a damn would I be standing _here_?"

12:43 am. "Hey Neji, how's about you and I go see a movie?"

"How's about you go to the gym and lose ten pounds?"

1:28 pm. "Hey Neji, wanna…grab a coffee?'

"Wanna…kiss my ass?"

2:41 pm. "Hey Neji-

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATH TUB?!!"

3:55 pm. "Hey Neji, how about a game of 'GO'?

"You're such a creep, get lost!"

Later, Gai was sulking on a park bench, hardly able to believe how much Neji hated him, when suddenly Kurenai-sensei walked by. "Hi Gai- are you alright?"

Gai sighed. "I just don't get it. I've tried everything to get Neji to spend time with me, but nothing's working."

"Well, did you ask nicely?"

"No, why would I do that?"

"Being humble is the best way to go." Kurenai said.

Gai gasped. "Bite your tongue women!"

"He's a child Gai, if you're humble he'll listen to you."

Gai sighed. "Maybe you're right. I'll ask the kid nicely."

"I'm proud of you, Gai." Kurenai said as she walked away.

A few minutes later, Gai approached Neji, trying as hard as he could to swallow his pride.

"Neji?" he asked.

"What?" Neji said glaring at Gai.

"I-I was just wondering if you might like maybe to p-p-plea-OH I AM SO ABOVE THIS!!" Gai yelled. "IF YOU WON'T SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH ME THAN I DEMAND TO AT _LEAST_ KNOW WHY?!!"

"You really want to know why I won't spend time with you." Neji asked calmly.

"Yes!" Gai said.

Neji took a breath "Well . . .

You're so self-righteous that you can't say a sentence without defaming Kakashi, who you insult to his own team because you know you're inferior,

You convince little children that they have to train until they collapse if they ever want to be strong,

You act like you're better than everyone, just because they won't apply your method of training yourself to death,

Your stupid douchy haircut looks ridicules and so does your outfit,

You're obnoxious, creepy, criminal, suspicious, annoying, you smell like cheap women's perfume, and you have absolutely no concept of anyone else's personal space.

Long story short, you're a prick."

Gai was speechless and paralyzed with shock. Neji had just told him everything everyone in the village had always wanted to tell him.

Neji cracked a smirk and walked away.

Gai couldn't accept defeat. He only saw one option.

He drew in a deep breath and shrieked "SCREW YOU HYUUGA!!" like a little girl.

THE END


End file.
